"Be still and know that I am God"

I have been clinging to that verse the past few weeks. I am beyond weary. My kids have both been very sick, we are in the middle of moving, and there have been some issues at my work that have honestly made me want to quit my job. And we are processing another very significant change in our family (which will be the theme of an entire, newly themed blog sometime soon). Have you ever seen that list of life stresses that rates the major sources of stress and gives them a point value? I haven't looked at it lately, but I'm pretty sure that I'm living several of the highest rated ones right now!

Last week, I had a day at work when I literally had reached the end of my patience with a certain situation and basically came unglued. I spent an hour in my boss' office basically sobbing because my very last button had been pushed and I was done. She had no idea the extent of things that were going on in my world and sat and listened very caringly as I blubbered. Now, you have to understand, my boss is a wonderful woman who is excellent at what she does, but she is not, in the least, a warm-fuzzy person. She has the best poker face you'll ever see which makes it very hard to detect compassion. I just about fell off my chair when I heard this sentence come out of her mouth: "Do you have access to a 3rd party of some sort that you could talk through all of this with? You're dealing with a lot and I think that might be really helpful." It took me a minute and then I finally realized, "wow, she just suggested that I see a shrink!!!" Coming from just anyone, I would have taken deep offense to such a statement, but she said it in such a gentle, caring way that I was floored. We didn't discuss it any further than that, but I did think about it a lot. Right now is definitely not the time in my life to make ANOTHER appointment to deal with ANOTHER office and ANOTHER set of issues. There is certainly a time and place for counseling, and I have actually been to counseling in the past, but I began to feel very convicted that I needed to deepen my walk with my Savior and sink deeply into my faith. Not only to get through a very difficult phase in my life but in all areas, in all times.

I have been on my knees more in the past few days that ever before. I am having to force myself to pause and just BE. Just BE in His presence. It's not easy with a million things going on, but it is absolutely essential. And I hope that when all is said and done, I will have a more meaningful, obvious and deep relationship with the Lord. And, hey, maybe I won't have quit my job and my boys will still have a sane, albeit feistier than usual mama!