Last Friday was just one of those days that basically nothing went the way I wanted it to. After a long morning of shuffling things around and fun things falling through, I decided I really needed to change my pouty attitude and find other ways to enjoy the day.
My new plan involved picking Caleb up from school and take the boys to the park to enjoy the beautiful fall afternoon we were having. One of our best friends met us there for a bit and then a crew showed up and took down the fences around all the new playground equipment! We had been waiting for those fences to come down all summer! The boys had a blast! The new equipment is fabulous. Noah discovered he loves to climb (scares me to death!). As the sun started to go down, we decided it was time to go home and spend the evening with daddy, who was getting off work early.
Then we got to my car. There was a lovely pile of shattered glass next to the front passenger window. I wanted to scream profanities and vomit all at the same time. But, instead, I exercised my best mama self-control and did neither of those things in front of my children. I called the sheriff's department, knowing full well it would be a waste of time, which it was, but felt like I should tell someone "official". And, yes, I am one of those stupid mom's who leaves her purse in the car while we're in the park so I don't walk off and leave it for someone to steal when I'm distracted with my kids. (I KNOW this is a stupid thing to do, so no lectures are necessary, thank you.) This time, I will say though, in my own defense that it was actually covered. And then it dawned on me why the thieves would have been motivated to break in....my husband has a hand gun that he carries at home and work, but until he has his concealed carry permit (don't even get me started on that ridiculous process), he transports it to and from work in a small, locked safe that is usually attached to the bolts holding the seat in. The connecting cable had snapped a few days before, so the (praise the Lord) EMPTY gun safe was sitting on the passenger seat. Never even occurred to my naive mind how attractive that would be to some dumb thugs. And, no, it was not hard after that to find my purse.
Let me just say that I am so thankful that not only were we safe and protected, but the gun safe empty (SUCKERS!!!!), and my wallet only had $4 cash in it. That said, I lost my expensive prescription glasses I am bound to 24/7 ( I was wearing my equally expensive prescription sunglasses in the park), my ID, checkbook, credit cards, etc. All my cards come from the same bank so one phone call to a very kind customer service associate took care of that. The rest will take time and some money to replace.
So that long, drawn out story brings me to the title of this post. My six year old was completely dumbfounded that someone would break into a car that doesn't belong to him (or her) and take things that were not his. I cried when I realized that he still assumed that "bad guys" only exist in movies and that people are all good in real life. It was really hard for him to understand. I explained that there are people that make really bad choices and do mean, bad things. As he mulled that over, he started to panic. "But, Mom, what if the bad guys follow us home?" "What if they come back and take more stuff?" "What if they hurt us?". All those questions and the worried tone in his voice shattered my heart just like the window glass.
I realized that it's only just beginning.....as he grows and matures and experiences more of the bad side of the world we live in, his innocence will slowly be lost. And there's very little I can do to protect him from that. But, what I can do is prepare him for it. He asked me to pray on the way home (which I was already doing since I was driving home with my sunglasses on after the sun went down!) and then later at home just spontaneously prayed again on his own. The rest of the evening involved more praying and a lot of re-assuring that those same bad guys were not going to find our home. (Which I could thankfully do since nothing in my purse, drivers license included, had our new home address on it).
A very bitter loss of innocence, indeed. Oh, my sweet boy, how I wish I could protect you and insulate you from all the bad stuff in the world.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
The little dudes
I've been spending quite a bit of time on the couch the past few days thanks to my little shingles situation, so I thought I'd write a little update on my boys.
Caleb is finishing up his 3 week at Fresno Christian and we are simply thrilled with the whole situation. He is doing great. His teacher said that he is focused (which truly surprises us), engages well in class and is kind to his classmates. Her only "constructive criticisms" (which she explained to me with a smile and no irritation whatsoever) were that his desk is messy and he tends to try to "debate" with her. (NO idea where he gets that from!!!) He loves school and is growing tremendously day by day. We are so thankful that after our initial school crisis, we have been able to settle into such a great place.
Noah is now 2 months into his speech therapy program. His progress has honestly been much slower than I hoped it would be, but we are seeing some good changes. He's only started spontaneously using one new word (bringing him to a grand total of 10 words whereas he should have between 50 and 250), but he is making good progress with his sign language. I'm really not concerned that he's never going to talk but it is really hard to deal with his level of frustration when he can't communicate things to me. Having a 12 month gap in what he understands and what he can express is a big deal for a little guy like him. We're going to keep persevering and praying that either his verbal language will catch up or we'll all become fluent in ASL.
In the meantime, they are keeping us busy and on our toes....and we're thankful for all of it!
Caleb is finishing up his 3 week at Fresno Christian and we are simply thrilled with the whole situation. He is doing great. His teacher said that he is focused (which truly surprises us), engages well in class and is kind to his classmates. Her only "constructive criticisms" (which she explained to me with a smile and no irritation whatsoever) were that his desk is messy and he tends to try to "debate" with her. (NO idea where he gets that from!!!) He loves school and is growing tremendously day by day. We are so thankful that after our initial school crisis, we have been able to settle into such a great place.
Noah is now 2 months into his speech therapy program. His progress has honestly been much slower than I hoped it would be, but we are seeing some good changes. He's only started spontaneously using one new word (bringing him to a grand total of 10 words whereas he should have between 50 and 250), but he is making good progress with his sign language. I'm really not concerned that he's never going to talk but it is really hard to deal with his level of frustration when he can't communicate things to me. Having a 12 month gap in what he understands and what he can express is a big deal for a little guy like him. We're going to keep persevering and praying that either his verbal language will catch up or we'll all become fluent in ASL.
In the meantime, they are keeping us busy and on our toes....and we're thankful for all of it!
Monday, October 10, 2011
A Renaissance Year
As my birthday approached this year, I found myself feeling very pensive and reflective. I never had the "I can't believe I'm turning 30" crisis, so when I started having a bit of a meltdown about turning 35, I was caught off guard. As the summer came to a close this year, I found myself in a bit of a dark place. I think all the events of the year had started to take their toll on me. Combining that with the fact that I have seriously neglected my own physical, spiritual and emotional well being in the midst of all the chaos left me treading the murky waters of self-pity, sadness and a discontented heart. Definitely not a place I wanted to be for long.
In the weeks leading up to my birthday, I felt like I was at a Y in the road. I could continue down the same path I was on or I could chose something different. In spite of the fact that we have suffered loss, and been through the stress of a move and a chronically ill child, we have been blessed beyond measure as well. We are finally living in a home we love, where we have all the space we need, our kids are happy and mostly healthy and John and I both have jobs we love and allow us to be very flexible and to be our children's primary caregivers. And, above all else, I serve a big God who loves me and cares for me no matter what.
So, I chose to do something different this year. I am choosing to do some things that are very important to my heart like growing in my relationship with Christ, finding new and simple ways to manage life and to take care of my body by changing my eating and exercising. Whoa! One might say, but in all reality, I am starting off with very small steps in each of these areas to make sure that I can manage for the long haul.
My hope and prayer is that as I intentionally take time to take care of me, Julie, I will in turn be a better wife to my husband, mama to my boys, friend to my friends and therapist to my patients. I can't do those things well when Julie is not ok. And, let me just add, I am incredibly grateful that I am in a place in life where I CAN do these things.
After processing all of my emotions and beginning to make changes, I came to the conclusion that there is no reason that 35 can't be my best year yet!
In the weeks leading up to my birthday, I felt like I was at a Y in the road. I could continue down the same path I was on or I could chose something different. In spite of the fact that we have suffered loss, and been through the stress of a move and a chronically ill child, we have been blessed beyond measure as well. We are finally living in a home we love, where we have all the space we need, our kids are happy and mostly healthy and John and I both have jobs we love and allow us to be very flexible and to be our children's primary caregivers. And, above all else, I serve a big God who loves me and cares for me no matter what.
So, I chose to do something different this year. I am choosing to do some things that are very important to my heart like growing in my relationship with Christ, finding new and simple ways to manage life and to take care of my body by changing my eating and exercising. Whoa! One might say, but in all reality, I am starting off with very small steps in each of these areas to make sure that I can manage for the long haul.
My hope and prayer is that as I intentionally take time to take care of me, Julie, I will in turn be a better wife to my husband, mama to my boys, friend to my friends and therapist to my patients. I can't do those things well when Julie is not ok. And, let me just add, I am incredibly grateful that I am in a place in life where I CAN do these things.
After processing all of my emotions and beginning to make changes, I came to the conclusion that there is no reason that 35 can't be my best year yet!
After fall comes winter.....
I love fall. It is by far my favorite time of year. The chilly nights and mornings are warm afternoons are such a welcome change after the scorching summer heat in Fresno. I'm finding myself this year, though, dealing with a sense of anxiety and anticipation. As we head into fall, we get closer to winter and that is what brings these unsettling feelings. Last winter was one of the most stressful I have ever experienced. Having a baby who was well for no more than 13 days in a row took a toll on all of us. The seemingly endless nights of a crying baby who was unconsolable brings back sickening memories. The days of being utterly exhausted and not being able to go anywhere weighed on us. The endless doctor appointments, tests and waiting was so frustrating. But, we finally got some answers and got into the care of an excellent specialist who was willing to dig until we figured our little mystery boy out. As winter gave way to spring this year, we started finally started heading in the right direction. Although we're still dealing with some of the long term implications of what he's been through, he's been well for the majority of the summer. We've now gotten to the point where he can go most places without worrying about him getting sick, with one major exception.
Unfortunately, the one place we'd really like him to be able to go is the toddler class at our church. We decided to try this again a week ago to see if his immune system was ready to be around other children. The answer? No. Tuesday morning he woke up clearly not feeling well and we later found out that he has a swollen throat with sores in it. :( So, for now, we will continue to pack a bag full of activities for him and are thankful for a large church that always has other young (and sometimes noisy) children in the services!
So, why re-hash all of this now? The truth is, we have no idea what to expect this winter. Because there is still a lot unknown about Noah's condition, even the specialist doesn't know if or when his immune system will fully develop and function. Research and case studies of other children indicate that each year should get better and that his system should be fully kicked in by age 5. How accurate and comprehensive this research is, I don't really know.
Hence, the feelings of apprehension and anxiety as we head into the winter. We can only hope and pray that this year will be better and that Noah's system will be more effective in fighting off infection. At the very least, we already have a specialist on board who has made it very clear that we will explore more aggressive treatment options this winter if he starts to head down the same road. It is very comforting to me to know that, at the very least, we won't have to spend all winter suffering and feeling lost. I won't have to feel like a crazy mom. I won't have to look in my little boys teary eyes and say, "I don't know what to do for you." That is VERY comforting to me.
Ultimately, we are confident that the Lord has this all figured out, even if He's not showing us all the cards yet. Our little guys life and well being are in His hands, and truly, there's no better place to be! So, here's to a healthy winter!
Unfortunately, the one place we'd really like him to be able to go is the toddler class at our church. We decided to try this again a week ago to see if his immune system was ready to be around other children. The answer? No. Tuesday morning he woke up clearly not feeling well and we later found out that he has a swollen throat with sores in it. :( So, for now, we will continue to pack a bag full of activities for him and are thankful for a large church that always has other young (and sometimes noisy) children in the services!
So, why re-hash all of this now? The truth is, we have no idea what to expect this winter. Because there is still a lot unknown about Noah's condition, even the specialist doesn't know if or when his immune system will fully develop and function. Research and case studies of other children indicate that each year should get better and that his system should be fully kicked in by age 5. How accurate and comprehensive this research is, I don't really know.
Hence, the feelings of apprehension and anxiety as we head into the winter. We can only hope and pray that this year will be better and that Noah's system will be more effective in fighting off infection. At the very least, we already have a specialist on board who has made it very clear that we will explore more aggressive treatment options this winter if he starts to head down the same road. It is very comforting to me to know that, at the very least, we won't have to spend all winter suffering and feeling lost. I won't have to feel like a crazy mom. I won't have to look in my little boys teary eyes and say, "I don't know what to do for you." That is VERY comforting to me.
Ultimately, we are confident that the Lord has this all figured out, even if He's not showing us all the cards yet. Our little guys life and well being are in His hands, and truly, there's no better place to be! So, here's to a healthy winter!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)