Heavy heart

This blog has ended up feeling somewhat like a journal to me and so on a day like today, I feel the desire to sit down and share a bit of my heart. It's heavy today. The past few weeks have felt like a roller coaster: some pretty exciting and fun highs, but some pretty heavy and sad lows. Today is one of the heavy ones.

Less than two weeks ago, my friend and co-worker, Janice, lost her husband completely unexpectedly in a horrific car crash. Robb was a perfectly healthy, 59 year old father of two young adult children, physician and husband of a pretty amazing woman. Today is his memorial service. I have always considered myself so blessed to have a job where many of us are friends outside of work as well and celebrate baby showers, new houses, girls nights, cooking clubs, you know, all the fun things. But along with the joys of life come the losses and today we will gather and mourn a loss and help carry a friend through a very, very dark valley.

Yesterday I had the privilege of having some heart to heart time on the phone with one of my girlfriends who is in the midst of processing the potential of a life-altering diagnosis for one of her children. Heavy, heavy heart.  I have done this many times before with parents of patients, who really become friends, but there's something that really gets me when it's one of my dearest friends who is somewhat suddenly faced with this scary diagnosis. Yet again, though, I am beyond blessed to have a friend with whom I celebrated many childhood milestones, our marriages and our babies and now we are both wrestling with difficult health issues with our children. The Lord's timing has always been fascinating to me and I really look forward to finding the blessing in all of this for both of us.

That brings me to the last piece of my heavy heart....my Noah. It appears that our now 13 day stretch of health may be coming to an end. He woke up with his tell-tale rash and had more meltdowns in 2 hours of being awake than I've seen in a long time. He just doesn't feel good. And it makes me mad. I don't know what to do for him. I'm hoping that he's just having an "off" day but these days always seem to lead down that road of not knowing what's coming next. When I'm angry, I have to cling to the promise that my Savior loves my babies more than I can comprehend and that I am asked to trust him. Plain trust.