A Year of Words

Today was the end of Noah's services through our local early intervention program. After coming home from saying our goodbyes to Ms. Debbie, his speech therapist, I was remembering back to where he was just over a year ago. He has come a long, long way!

One year ago, Noah was 24 months old and his speech was at a 12-15 month level. Each and every speech session we had focused on getting him to either sign or make a sound for things that he wanted, rather than pointing, grunting or crying. It took a lot of creativity to get him to engage in any attempts to make sounds.  We would work in one of the OT gyms so that he could do physical activity while being coaxed to talk. We played lots of "ready-set-go" games and early on, we celebrated when he would attempt to say go after the therapist said ready-set.....and it sounded more like "KO!!!".

Today, Noah is 3 days shy of being 36 months and his speech is right about 26 months. He is still behind but has made so. much. progress. There was a beautiful moment in his speech session today, where he started a game by saying "weady! set! GO!!!!", ran and jumped off the mat then exclaimed, "I did it!!!" Such sweet words to hear from my little man. Yes, you sure did do it, Noah. Mama and Papa are very proud of you. In just a few weeks, we'll get to meet your new therapist who will help us get the rest of the way there. I can't wait to hear all the new things you're going to be saying in the next year!

First the ears, now the eyes.

Those of you who have been following our blog know that we were very excited to get Noah's tubes placed and get on with his language progression and helping him catch up. Glad to be in smooth waters for a change. And then we started noticing that his eye we had been keeping close watch on seemed to be getting worse. He was diagnosed with a superior oblique palsy in his left eye (fancy term for eye that wanders up and out) last year.  Because of all his other health issues, we have been watching it closely, but not treating. The eye doctor had told us that when he was healthier, we could work on getting him in glasses and that he *might*, somewhere down the line, need eye muscle surgery. We've noticed that he's been falling. A lot. We started paying closer attention after his fall that required 9 stitches just above his left eye. He's actually run right into things a few times (that we've witnessed...who know's how many times we haven't seen). I decided it was time to get him back into the eye doctor. After having to be persistent that I did not want to wait until the end of September, we got in to see her two weeks ago.

It's never a good thing when the doctor walks in the room, crouches down to talk face to face with your child then stands up and says, "Well, it certainly looks like you need my help!".  After she looked at a series of tests one of the techs did and then tested his eyes herself, she said that she was pretty sure this was not just a muscle palsy, but rather a structural problem. In. both. eyes. Say what???? Turns out that his right eye is off too, but we never noticed because it looks pretty normal compared to the left! She estimates he has no depth perception about 80% of the time. Well, that certainly explains why he falls and runs into things! At this point, we had been in the office for HOURS and Noah and I were both tired and crabby and it was all I could do not to burst into tears. When we left, the plan was that we will be doing some eye muscle training using eye drops for the next month then return to see her for more testing and to further discuss surgery. At least I thought that was the plan. I got a call two days later from her surgery scheduler saying that doctor really wanted to get this surgery on the books. She went on to explain that it will involve correcting the position of four muscles around each eye. So, it's now scheduled for October 25th. I have a lot of praying and processing to do before then, but for now, am keeping myself busy with other stuff and trying not to think about it the scary parts too much but am choosing to remember all these positives:

1. His doctor has done hundreds and hundreds of these surgeries over the past 20 years.
2. He will have the same anesthesia he had for his ear tubes that we know he does ok with. (And this is no small thing!)
3. The surgery will be in the same small surgery center as his ear tubes. (We were really happy with the facility and staff).
4. The doctor told me that she has observed over her career that age 3 seems to be the perfect age for eye muscle surgery. Any younger is not good and the older you get, the harder the recovery.
5. Last, but by no means LEAST, the same Sovereign God who knit this child together in my womb already knows the plan and will be there alongside us. Every. step. of. the. way. Can I get an AMEN???

This too shall pass.

I've debated back and forth about writing this post, but ultimately decided it was worth sharing. Partly because it's a bit therapeutic to put my thoughts and feelings into words and partly because I know that I'm not alone. There is a phrase I grew up hearing on occasion and have come to rely on frequently in difficult situations...."this too shall pass". There have been many times in life that this was a healthy way to look at a difficult situation; to keep an eternal perspective on the difficulties of life. But, I've come to realize recently that I've been going back to that phrase WAY too often with regards to my children lately.

After struggling through our fertility issues and the intensity of his birth, the joy that filled our lives when Caleb arrived was powerful. I remember savoring the moments early in his life, even when things  weren't easy, and being determined not to "wish-away" any part of his little life. I wanted to enjoy all of it. The good, the bad and the ugly. And, I have to say, I did a pretty good job. When our second (and quite unexpected) little boy arrived, I savored his early little life as well, even though it was more challenging with a pre-schooler on my hands too.

But then, somewhere over the past couple years, I have struggled off and on with keeping the joy in my journey of motherhood. Especially the past couple months. An almost 3 year old who is just learning to communicate his needs and wants to us (all the while having a very definite opinion about EVERYTHING) and a 7 year old who is very active, emotional and smart can be quite the overwhelming combination sometimes. When I find myself in the midst of days on end of questioning whether life will ever seem easy, sometimes the ONLY thing that keeps me sane is realizing that "this too shall pass". BUT, I'm realizing that I don't want this to just pass. I don't want to white-knuckle my way through this phase as I have been, because then I am too overwhelmed and exhausted to enjoy the truly beautiful parts of these ages. I've been missing out on way too much of the good stuff because I'm so busy consoling myself with "this too shall pass".  It's time for this girl to put her big girl panties on embrace this enormous, amazing blessing I have been given, as imperfect and flawed as it may be!

Phew...so there you have it.  Probably not my most articulate post, but one that has been a long time coming. Here's to embracing ALL of motherhood!

Summer fun

I cannot believe how fast the summer is going by! Caleb has been out of school for over 2 months and only has 3 weeks left before starting second grade!!! It's been a really crazy and somewhat stressful (to put it mildly) summer but we've had lots of fun too.

We took a little hike down around the Fresno River

John and I escaped for the day to spend some time with this beautiful couple in SF. :)

Enjoyed apps and drinks and a very cool tequila bar in the city.

Chillin' with our buddies on the 4th of July

Sparklers in a play-do tub....great idea!

Crazy daddy with sparklers (and a cigar).

Grandma and Grandpa came to visit for a week and we got an ice cream maker...the big boy wanted to be in charge. :)

Two very happy boys on the train at Gilroy Gardens

G-pa with 2 of his 4 grands.

Sweet brother moment.

Paddle boats!

Very fun water play area at Gilroy Gardens

Both boys loved the water...definitely going back

Boys with their Ma-maw and G-pa

So proud of my big boy who earned his Yellow Belt this past Saturday.

A very proud Papa/Instructor

Little brother enjoying his cupcake at the party.

In the midst of the bits and pieces of fun we've had there's been a lot of other stuff going on...but I'll share some of that later....for now, enjoy the cute picts of my little people!

Simplicity of prayer

We're really not sure why, but for about a month now, Caleb has been really out of whack in the mornings. He's moody, hyper, defiant and so on. It has caused a lot of chaos in our home in the mornings and led to a lot of frustration for all of us.  Yesterday morning, I was bound and determined that we were going to have a better morning. You know what shamefully occurred to me? I had not once stopped to pray about this issue. Nope. Not once. So, Caleb and I prayed together and asked Jesus to help us both make good choices have good attitudes and to be obedient. Know what? It's almost as if the Lord was saying, "I was wondering when you were going to bring this to me"! A simple prayer changed the course of our day.  It's so easy to get caught up in figuring things out that I forget to talk to the One who MADE my son, to ask for His divine intervention. Prayer is not just powerful when it comes to the "really big" stuff, it is powerful in the every day things. And that's why we're actually commanded to pray. Without ceasing. Thank you, Lord, for that command.

PS...I still don't know what's been causing all of this and apparently I don't need to know right now. What I do know is that the last two mornings have been completely different.

A little catch-up

It feels like I blinked and the school year was over! After getting off to a very rough start, Caleb ended up taking off and totally loving first grade at Fresno Christian. We were blessed with an amazing teacher who took our boy under her wing and guided him through the year. Caleb made lots of new friends and excelled academically. As the year came to a close, I found myself feeling really sad! As much as I was looking forward to having both boys home for the summer, I was really sad that he's not going to be in Mrs. Yantis' class anymore! But, I've heard really good things about the second grade teacher and was assured by Mrs. Y that he is going to sail through the year in her class.

As I thought about summer and how I wanted that to go, I was feeling the need to be more intentional with our time, especially on the days that I'm home. I'm still working on a little "routine" (note I did not say schedule) chart to help us chose activities together and in that, limit screen time.  For now, we started a summer reading challenge that Caleb is really enjoying, started a summer journal and started playing all kinds of new card games. I had forgotten how much fun Uno is! I love that he is old enough for family game nights. I have very sweet memories of family games growing up and am loving being in the season where I can start that with my own little family! Along with that, we've had lots of "life lesson" moments in learning a new game and how to be gracious whether you win or lose.  Let me tell you in case you may have forgotten: playing games with a 7 year old is an excellent reminder of our sinful natures!

As for the little man, he is continuing to amaze me just about every day with all his new words.  I am thrilled to have completely lost count of how many words he has now! Although we are still seeing pretty regular tantrums, their frequency and intensity have decreased enormously as he has learned to express himself verbally. And let me tell you, that's a beautiful thing. I can tell just by looking at the expression on his face when he comes and TELLS me what he wants that there is such joy in being able to do that!

The other huge thing on Noah's radar is church! Throughout the fall, winter and spring there were periods of time where he was very cooperative and able to sit through most of the church service while still allowing John and I to focus. The last month or so that we had him in there, though, our time was spent going from activity to activity with him, offering and then picking up snacks he didn't want, chasing him down the aisle when he attempted to bolt and basically nothing other than frustration for mama and papa. So, the last Sunday of May we decided to put him in the 2 year old class. John and I felt enormously blessed to have been able to worship, actually learn from the sermon and fellowship with others. But, I was a bit on edge over the next couple days waiting for the other shoe to drop. Guess what? It never did!!!! He's been two weeks in a row now, has loved it, we've loved it and he's not sick! Thank you, Lord!  I'm sure at some point he will get sick, but at this point, I feel like it would be no different than any other little one. Come fall, we will figure out a new strategy and go from there but in the mean time, we are going to enjoy every minute of our newfound freedom!

Whew! That got really long! And now, perfect timing as always, I'm going to go intervene in a brotherly rumble over Kerjack, the giant gorilla the boys both love!

Moving forward....FINALLY!

For so very long, it felt like we were stuck in a rut with our little man. By the time March rolled around, the isolation of "winter quarantine" was getting very old, behavior issues seemed to be getting worse and new words were not appearing very often. I realize, in retrospect, that I was feeling very withdrawn from the world. Play dates were few and far between and I found myself not wanting to take Noah anywhere at all. I was too afraid of him getting sick or getting so out of control with his behavior that we'd have to leave anyway. Either way, it was a rough time.

Then April came with ear tubes and the behavior analyst. And things started to change....finally! Noah sailed through the little surgery to place the tubes and was making new sounds and attempting new words and hearing all kinds of new things immediately. The second night after the tubes were in, he had a rough night and had not slept well at all. I was sitting on the couch with him early in the morning and he suddenly sat straight up, with a very perplexed look on his face, and asked, "choo choo?" He had heard the train whistle that we hear off in the distance in the early mornings! I don't think he's ever heard it before. I could go on and on with examples of all the things he's hearing now that he never heard before and the adorable and SPONTANEOUS speech that is erupting out of him every day.

The week after he got his tubes, we were able to start treatment sessions with a behavior analyst who had been to our home three times in February assessing him, his behaviors and our family dynamic. I must admit, it was really hard for us to ask for help and be vulnerable enough to allow someone into our home (think "Super Nanny" with less drama) and observe what was really going on. I don't know why, but it almost felt shameful that we needed help, like we had failed him. But, only a few weeks in, I am more grateful than ever that these services are being provided for us and am truly amazed at the difference. Not only are his speech and behavior so much better already, but he has been really healthy! He was at Caleb's birthday party a couple weeks ago, and although he was overstimulated with all the noise and kids, he didn't get sick!

It is amazing to finally be seeing big progress and feel like we can take a deep breath and ENJOY the gifts both of our boys really are!