I am far too emotionally drained to blog about all the ups and downs of this week. We have gone from being told the girls could be with us within a month (which struck panic in my heart) to now possibly having everything come to a screeching halt until the next court date which isn't scheduled until NOVEMBER. The most recent delay is due to their current social worker passing the buck before going on maternity leave. But, our background checks were completed today and we are going to proceed with our visitation with the girls that will start next week. Next Tuesday morning, John and I will be going to spend some time with the girls. It will be the first time John meets them and I can't wait! After that meeting, we will figure out how to introduce the boys to them. Then, there will probably be a whole lot more waiting.
It would be the understatement of the year to say that I'm frustrated with "the system". I hate not knowing. I hate being in limbo. I hate that the girls are still potentially weeks or months away from their forever home. But, I do know that my God is bigger than all of this and that He already has this figured out. Our hope is in Him and we trust Him. And that's the bottom line.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Another step in the right directon
I have to start this post by saying that this past week has been incredibly hard in terms of dealing with the adoption. I came very near the point of saying, "Screw it! I can't handle this and we just need to walk away because I care too much and I'm tired of hurting!" But, I could not shake the ever present reminder that this is NOT about ME, it's about these beautiful baby girls who desperately need a permanent home. Our system is so broken and it's devastating that so many little ones are stuck in it!
Ok, so down to the news: yesterday, the judge in their case finalized the "permanent non-reunification" of M and A with their biological mother. She has exhausted her appeals and it is done. There are a few more steps for her in terms of terminating her rights to any future children she may bear (like the one she is pregnant with now) but she will never again have custody of M and A. The grandmother was also formally reprimanded for having the bio mom with her and another convicted felon at their last visit and had to sign an agreement that she would not do it again. The girls then had to go spend four hours with her this afternoon and guess what? They came home talking about their "auntie". The same one from last week who is a felon. Their foster mom is pretty sure that she sealed her fate by doing that. She's also fairly certain that the social worker will take the girls' word for it as they have been very accurate about other things they have said.
All of this is great news in terms of our bringing them "home", but if there is one thing I've learned during my short time dealing with the system is that you just never know. It could still be weeks or months before everything is finalized, especially since their social worker is going on maternity leave this week! But, we are continuing to pray and remain optimistic that, in the end, they will end up right where the Lord intends for them to be. Obviously, we hope that's here!!! Keep praying for us!
Ok, so down to the news: yesterday, the judge in their case finalized the "permanent non-reunification" of M and A with their biological mother. She has exhausted her appeals and it is done. There are a few more steps for her in terms of terminating her rights to any future children she may bear (like the one she is pregnant with now) but she will never again have custody of M and A. The grandmother was also formally reprimanded for having the bio mom with her and another convicted felon at their last visit and had to sign an agreement that she would not do it again. The girls then had to go spend four hours with her this afternoon and guess what? They came home talking about their "auntie". The same one from last week who is a felon. Their foster mom is pretty sure that she sealed her fate by doing that. She's also fairly certain that the social worker will take the girls' word for it as they have been very accurate about other things they have said.
All of this is great news in terms of our bringing them "home", but if there is one thing I've learned during my short time dealing with the system is that you just never know. It could still be weeks or months before everything is finalized, especially since their social worker is going on maternity leave this week! But, we are continuing to pray and remain optimistic that, in the end, they will end up right where the Lord intends for them to be. Obviously, we hope that's here!!! Keep praying for us!
Monday, July 18, 2011
Much Ado About Nothing
This is definitely not the post I wanted to write tonight. I'm sad and angry. And what's worse, our girls have experienced the neglect of our system in the past few days. That really makes this mama bear want to roar. Here's the short synopsis of the past few days: as ordered by the judge, the girls had an unsupervised visit with the biological grandmother (gm) on Thursday. It was several hours shorter than it should have been because gm simply left and said she "was done". M (age 4) cried the rest of the afternoon. Then Saturday rolled around and gm was supposed to keep them overnight. She picked them up from their foster mom and left. She was back 2 hours later. Pulled up to their house with both girls in the car with their car seats unbuckled AND with their biological mother (the BM as I fondly call her) in the car!!!! Now, not only is it crazy that she brought them back early and they were unsafe in the car, this woman has sworn up and down that she has no relationship with the BM and that the girls would not be around her if she adopted them! Not to mention the fact that there is a restraining order in effect against the BM stating she is not to be within 100 yard of the girls without court supervision. GM had no explanation for why she decided not to keep them all night. This time, not only did M cry all evening, but she started having potty accidents, which she has not had in weeks.
The silver lining in all of the mess with the weekend visit was supposed to be that when GM went to court this morning to give an update about the visitations and ask for permanent custody of the girls, the social worker and the girls' attorney would be armed with the reports from their foster mom. She has essentially sealed her fate by breaking 2 laws in the course of one visit. There's little question that a judge will look at that and dismiss her as a fit parent. Here's the kicker, though. Because this all happened over the weekend, foster mom had to rely on the fact that the social worker's and attorney's are supposed to check their e-mail and voice mails before court. Neither of them did. So, now, we don't know if grandma even showed up for court and if so, what she told the judge. I could go for days on our ridiculous system and how these girls are getting shuffled around like pets, at best. But, I don't have it in me to rant.
Please, please pray with us that our girls will not EVER have to go back to this woman's house. Please pray that their social worker and attorney will take this latest evidence to the judge ASAP. And, please pray that the judge will see this woman for what she really is and close the case. They need to be done. They need to be home. No one deserves to be bounced around like that, especially not our M and A.
The silver lining in all of the mess with the weekend visit was supposed to be that when GM went to court this morning to give an update about the visitations and ask for permanent custody of the girls, the social worker and the girls' attorney would be armed with the reports from their foster mom. She has essentially sealed her fate by breaking 2 laws in the course of one visit. There's little question that a judge will look at that and dismiss her as a fit parent. Here's the kicker, though. Because this all happened over the weekend, foster mom had to rely on the fact that the social worker's and attorney's are supposed to check their e-mail and voice mails before court. Neither of them did. So, now, we don't know if grandma even showed up for court and if so, what she told the judge. I could go for days on our ridiculous system and how these girls are getting shuffled around like pets, at best. But, I don't have it in me to rant.
Please, please pray with us that our girls will not EVER have to go back to this woman's house. Please pray that their social worker and attorney will take this latest evidence to the judge ASAP. And, please pray that the judge will see this woman for what she really is and close the case. They need to be done. They need to be home. No one deserves to be bounced around like that, especially not our M and A.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
A & M update
I had a great conversation with the girls foster mom today and got the latest scoop on where we're at. The grandmother who appeared wanting to take 2 year old A (but would only take M if her check is big enough) is still in the picture trying to gain custody of the girls. However, the mental health case worker involved with the girls in highly skeptical of her and says that she doesn't see how this woman will prove herself fit to raise these children. The good news there is that the mental health case worker's opinion is the one the judge weighs the heaviest when making his decision. The sad news is that after spending one hour unsupervised (court ordered) with her, M came home in tears. The grandmother would only say "she's fine, she just had a couple episodes". Foster mom has no idea what that meant but is not allowed to press her for details. The girls are supposed to be spending 24-hours unsupervised with her this weekend to gain more info before their next court date next week. I am honestly praying that she will keep it together for the girls and then decide later that she's in over her head. I know, I really need to shift my attitude and pray that the Lord's will be done, whether that's the same as my plan or not!!
The last bits of good news are that all four of the decision makers involved in this case (the judge, attorney, social worker and mental health case worker) all know about us and are very happy we are waiting in the wings until the show is over, so to speak. After the dust has settled with their visits with the grandmother, we are hoping to get together for a playdate with the girls. In talking with the foster mom today, we decided that would be better for the girls than to start playdates now as we had originally planned. We don't want them to be overwhelmed with new environments, faces, etc. Foster mom also told me today that M (age 4) is finally potty-trained! This little girl has gone from being bed-ridden with a serious leg fracture (having never walked prior to this either, mind you), malnourished, not talking or eating and diaper dependent to RUNNING, talking up a storm, eating and drinking normally and potty trained in 3 MONTHS!!!! What a testament to God's grace and an amazing foster family!!!
So, please keep us in your prayers as we continue to navigate these unfamiliar, and rather uncomfortable, waters. We want nothing more than to bring these girls home......and soon!!!
The last bits of good news are that all four of the decision makers involved in this case (the judge, attorney, social worker and mental health case worker) all know about us and are very happy we are waiting in the wings until the show is over, so to speak. After the dust has settled with their visits with the grandmother, we are hoping to get together for a playdate with the girls. In talking with the foster mom today, we decided that would be better for the girls than to start playdates now as we had originally planned. We don't want them to be overwhelmed with new environments, faces, etc. Foster mom also told me today that M (age 4) is finally potty-trained! This little girl has gone from being bed-ridden with a serious leg fracture (having never walked prior to this either, mind you), malnourished, not talking or eating and diaper dependent to RUNNING, talking up a storm, eating and drinking normally and potty trained in 3 MONTHS!!!! What a testament to God's grace and an amazing foster family!!!
So, please keep us in your prayers as we continue to navigate these unfamiliar, and rather uncomfortable, waters. We want nothing more than to bring these girls home......and soon!!!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
From four to six
I have hesitated for a long time to write this post, but decided that it's time to share. Ever since before we knew each other, John and I have each wanted to adopt a child or more. Before I met John, I was determined that I would be a mom, one way or another, even if I never got married (probably not my best plan, but, hey, I was young!). When we were faced with the possibility of not having a biological child of our own, we talked about adoption first. The Lord, though, decided that we needed to have our biological children first. Now that we have 2 beautiful boys, we would really love a little girl. But, pregnancy is neither easy or fun for me and there are some serious concerns about putting my body though that again.
We have continued to talk about growing our family and what that would look like, when it would happen, etc. At the beginning of 2011, when we were in the throes of looking for a house and dealing with a very sick child, I think either one of us would have laughed at the thought of growing our family this year! We have enough going on already, thank you! But, that all changed in March. Through my work, I met a little girl who grabbed my heart. She is in foster care after having been hospitalized with severe physical trauma suffered at the hand of her mother and her boyfriend. A week later, I met her sister. They are 4 and 2 years old. They are simply amazing little girls. When I met them, they had only been in this stable, loving foster home for a week. I have watched in awe over the past couple months as both of them have flourished and thrived. They are safe, happy, loved and truly blossoming.
Shortly after meeting Miss M and Miss A (I'm not at liberty yet to share much about them), I began talking with their foster mother about our desires to adopt at some point. Her face lit up and said, "These girls are going to need a home! Their mother's rights are being terminated and my husband and I have always fostered on a short term basis and aren't going to keep them." Although I immediately questioned all the logistics, I learned that we can be mentored through the process of becoming certified foster parents (even though we will adopt, the county requires us to become certified foster parents first) because we know the girls already and because I am a healthcare provider, which would allow us to bring them into our home when the termination is complete even if all our paperwork isn't done. There are still many obstacles to be overcome and it is still not certain, but we are whole-heartedly invested in the process and praying for the Lord's outcome.
So, in short, no, we have not lost our minds (even though my husband did wonder what I was on when I told him that I found our daughters)!!!! We are praying for guidance and obviously hope that these two beautiful girls will complete our family! I'll keep updates coming on here as there is news. Hopefully there will be more to come soon!
We have continued to talk about growing our family and what that would look like, when it would happen, etc. At the beginning of 2011, when we were in the throes of looking for a house and dealing with a very sick child, I think either one of us would have laughed at the thought of growing our family this year! We have enough going on already, thank you! But, that all changed in March. Through my work, I met a little girl who grabbed my heart. She is in foster care after having been hospitalized with severe physical trauma suffered at the hand of her mother and her boyfriend. A week later, I met her sister. They are 4 and 2 years old. They are simply amazing little girls. When I met them, they had only been in this stable, loving foster home for a week. I have watched in awe over the past couple months as both of them have flourished and thrived. They are safe, happy, loved and truly blossoming.
Shortly after meeting Miss M and Miss A (I'm not at liberty yet to share much about them), I began talking with their foster mother about our desires to adopt at some point. Her face lit up and said, "These girls are going to need a home! Their mother's rights are being terminated and my husband and I have always fostered on a short term basis and aren't going to keep them." Although I immediately questioned all the logistics, I learned that we can be mentored through the process of becoming certified foster parents (even though we will adopt, the county requires us to become certified foster parents first) because we know the girls already and because I am a healthcare provider, which would allow us to bring them into our home when the termination is complete even if all our paperwork isn't done. There are still many obstacles to be overcome and it is still not certain, but we are whole-heartedly invested in the process and praying for the Lord's outcome.
So, in short, no, we have not lost our minds (even though my husband did wonder what I was on when I told him that I found our daughters)!!!! We are praying for guidance and obviously hope that these two beautiful girls will complete our family! I'll keep updates coming on here as there is news. Hopefully there will be more to come soon!
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