I've debated back and forth about writing this post, but ultimately decided it was worth sharing. Partly because it's a bit therapeutic to put my thoughts and feelings into words and partly because I know that I'm not alone. There is a phrase I grew up hearing on occasion and have come to rely on frequently in difficult situations...."this too shall pass". There have been many times in life that this was a healthy way to look at a difficult situation; to keep an eternal perspective on the difficulties of life. But, I've come to realize recently that I've been going back to that phrase WAY too often with regards to my children lately.
After struggling through our fertility issues and the intensity of his birth, the joy that filled our lives when Caleb arrived was powerful. I remember savoring the moments early in his life, even when things weren't easy, and being determined not to "wish-away" any part of his little life. I wanted to enjoy all of it. The good, the bad and the ugly. And, I have to say, I did a pretty good job. When our second (and quite unexpected) little boy arrived, I savored his early little life as well, even though it was more challenging with a pre-schooler on my hands too.
But then, somewhere over the past couple years, I have struggled off and on with keeping the joy in my journey of motherhood. Especially the past couple months. An almost 3 year old who is just learning to communicate his needs and wants to us (all the while having a very definite opinion about EVERYTHING) and a 7 year old who is very active, emotional and smart can be quite the overwhelming combination sometimes. When I find myself in the midst of days on end of questioning whether life will ever seem easy, sometimes the ONLY thing that keeps me sane is realizing that "this too shall pass". BUT, I'm realizing that
I don't want this to just pass. I don't want to white-knuckle my way through this phase as I have been, because then I am too overwhelmed and exhausted to enjoy the truly beautiful parts of these ages. I've been missing out on way too much of the good stuff because I'm so busy consoling myself with "this too shall pass". It's time for this girl to put her big girl panties on embrace this enormous, amazing blessing I have been given, as imperfect and flawed as it may be!
Phew...so there you have it. Probably not my most articulate post, but one that has been a long time coming. Here's to embracing ALL of motherhood!
